By: Rob S.
Getting a commitment got me sober. Dizzy, scared and trying to find some relief, I walked in the door of a meeting...( to look for an H & I commitment.)
Maybe I wouldn’t feel so broken if I could be around people in worse shape than I was.
A guy sitting on the couch cut right through my sweaty machinations “What happened to you?” Kind of shocking… funny and perfect. This was the place to cut the crap and share. I sputtered something, then I realized something amazing. I can let my guard down. This guy talking to me had been there and come back and was looking me in the eye…what a Relief. “Why don’t you just volunteer here?” He was real enough to talk to but more importantly, it meant I found a place to go where my fronts, feints and smooth moves don’t work. Just be your actual (awkward, quiet, loud, lost, found) self.
Saying yes to a commitment got me out of my head and saved my life.
Put on your pants, brush your teeth and don’t be (very) late. The bar was low but so was I. Perfect. My only job was to show up and let Spirit seep in. Many of us drunkards have an amazing wealth of knowledge, facts and stories and thank God, they don’t matter here. Every day I saw someone who knows stuff I don’t and been places I hadn’t. This is not a program of knowledge, experience or cool but about realizing you have a spirit and choosing to dust off Your Spirit with the help of the Big Spirit…the one with all power.
When I was asked “What happened to you… you can volunteer here” he(sic) shared a bit of spirit, reflected some humor and revealed the welcoming possibility of recovery. I was in the fellowship as soon as I said yes. ‘A Commitment’ meant having a place to scrape off the crud. A safe space to feel sadness and let hope past the icy walls. I could admit my habits and let the false, deadly pride melt with the kind compassion of the fellowship. I got a chance to be of value and soak up life-saving wisdom of the meetings.
I heard “how it works” and the serenity prayer thousands of times and years later, they still feel good and settle me down. I was blessed to sit there and learn some new habits… I don’t have to fight in my mind all the time- serenity is a valid, real choice. Recovery doesn’t mean figuring out how to be clever enough to avoid work, it means developing life affirming habits like honoring Spirit and allying yourself with the Big Spirit…what a great habit. Get a commitment. Honor your Spirit. Maybe it looks like you’re serving others but you are really serving the spirit of the fellowship. Your spirit. Get a commitment to the fellowship…to your life.